This may be necessary
Something has happened. I have finally snapped. My mind has gone around the bend. I’ve become uncomfortably aware of the fact that something is horribly wrong in my brain. Maybe it’s a tumor. Maybe it’s just all around psychosis baring down on me. This book may have finally pushed me over the edge. What happened? Am I going to live? Will I be devoured by beetles sporting jaunty hats? The answers are “I’ll tell you in a minute, Jesus have some freaking patience”, “Probably not”, and “God I hope so” respectively. So, what happened? I read a chapter in this book that was good. I admit it.
I liked a chapter of Twilight. I don’t know what’s happening to me. Maybe I should just get over it and get a full frontal lobotomy or maybe I should just give in and buy a “Team Meyer” T-Shirt. Then again, maybe it’s too early to decide such things. After such gems as “My incredulous eyes” I found a chapter that moved so well that it didn’t matter if the grammar was off or the plot was a little crappy. I have nothing to say about this chapter other than it MOVED WELL! It was exciting, well paced, had action and completely disregarded the horrible “love” plot that has inundated the story up to this point. There was some of it because Edward was very protective of Bella but Bella told him to shut up and listen to her plan which turned out to be pretty well thought out. My theory on this is that Stephenie Meyer had this entire scene in mind from the beginning. It reads like an origin point for an idea. The rest of this horribly bad writing has been the awkward groping leading up to this chapter which reads like hard core action intercourse.
This was also the first time that I’ve found myself remotely attached to any of the characters. Some of them are even a little above cardboard cutouts. Maybe not much but a little. I can’t say enough about this chapter. I’ll get into the story now. Three vampires emerge from the trees and ask to play ball. There are two men and one woman. One of the men is referred to as the hunter which I believe calls back the opening chapter. The stage is being set for a decent showdown. Edward knows what the hunter has in mind and is incensed. He tells Bella that she has to get out but Bella refuses. She states that Char-dad would be in danger. They concede and hatch a plan to take care of everyone. It’s actually a reasonably well thought out plan and as far as Meyer goes it is fairly genius. For every chapter after this that moves as well as this one I will give another Credit. It deserves it. This chapter may not deserve three but by god I’m giving it three simply because it’s the best chapter this book has given me. What the hell is going on with me? Who knows. Hopefully I regain my sense of purpose and don’t become a screaming ridiculous twilight fan who screams about Edwella all day long.
Pray for me. Pray long and hard. Hehe penis.